


Don't stray too far, Bones.

by romulan_commander



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Best Friends, Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, Inappropriate Humor, Love Triangles, M/M, Penis Measuring, Penis Size, Sex Is Fun, Sexual Humor, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulan_commander/pseuds/romulan_commander
Summary: Spock raised an eyebrow. "Vulcans have always had a reputation for being well-endowed. It is an asset to our race." The first officer had stiffened and placed his hands behind his back. His lips pursed, proudly."There are different opinions. The important thing is to know what to do with the penis, Spock. To know how to satisfy your partner.""It's impossible to get bored with you." Jim laughed again.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

"Don't stray too far, Bones," Jim said.

"Doctor, do you want me to come with you?" Spock asked him.

"No thanks. I need a bit of privacy, you know. I appreciate your concern," McCoy replied. Little by little, he got into the vegetation. He came to a clearer area and decided to stop. He looked from one side to the other.

"Damn atmospheric interference! Always so inopportune. We have to wait until they can transport us to the ship. Well, this looks like a safe zone," McCoy told himself.

He had been wanting to pee for a long time. The doctor lowered his fly and began to pee . A light breeze stirred a branch of a fern-like plant.

Leonard felt a great sting. The fern leaf must be stinging. Shit, it hit me right on the dick!.I have an urticaria. "

"Jim is going to laugh at me, as soon as he finds out. Spock is going to raise an eyebrow and I don't know what he's going to think." He told himself. "I hope I don't have an allergic problem." His steps became more hesitant. He went back to his friends.

The captain relaxed when he saw Bones appear. They had come to the planet, cataloging its great variety of fauna and flora. Apparently no intelligent life forms had been detected, but always had to act with caution.

Spock looked at the doctor. His face had turned paler, suddenly. A few drops of sweat trickled down his forehead. "His mental state is altered." He told himself. "Increased adrenaline in the bloodstream. Pupils dilated."

"Are you okay, Doctor McCoy? He asked." You have returned from your walk in the jungle, looking worse. "

“I'm fine,” he growled. “I am just fed up with the heat.” The doctor felt a stab of pain. “When are we going to be able to get back to the ship?” He felt uneasy. It was possible that he had to tell his little secret.

"Scotty is working on it, Bones. We have to have a little patience." Jim smiled at his friend. "We have now finished cataloging many of the plant species on this remote planet."

McCoy noticed how the stinging was increasing. He had a great desire to scratch his dick and relieve the discomfort.

"The plants on this planet are very interesting."Spock said. Leonard rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"Doctor, if you have a need to touch your intimate parts you should. It is often a necessary relief." Spock suggested.

Mccoy gave him a murderous look. "I assure you, nosy Vulcan, if I feel the need to scratch myself, I will. I don't need your permission." He raised his head and looked up at the sky in pain.

"Bones, we have a lot of trust with each other, but I don't want Spock to think it's an Earth habit to scratch your crotches like that." Jim said wryly.

"I can´t stand it!" The doctor growled. Quickly, he pulled down his pants and underwear. His penis was full of small lumps and was reddened. He held it gently and felt it.

"But what happened to you, Bones?" Jim didn't know how to hold back laughing.

"What do you think? I was bitten by a saber-toothed tiger. Damn it! A collision with a fern when I was pissing. The leaves must be stinging."

Leonard quickly prepared a hypospray with painkillers and antihistamines. His hands were shaking uncontrollably. His penis was getting more and more swollen.

"Jim, you're going to have to prick my dick. I can't stop my hands shaking," she begged him. "If you start laughing, I swear I'm going to murder you," he muttered. The doctor blushed. It was embarrassing. Very embarrassing. Spock was staring at his dick, fixedly.

"Doctor, you have to prevent your penis from getting excited. You are going to have more blood flow to the area and the allergy reaction is going to increase."

Jim had to bite his lip to keep from smiling. Bones seemed more and more angry. The situation was very comical. He knew his friend was quite shy.

"Spock, I assure you, there is nothing less exciting than a sore dick. Will you stop looking at her like that? You're making me very nervous." Leonard growled.

"Doctor, my interest is totally scientific. Either the inflammation is increasing, or the size of your member is larger than average. Although I am not very well versed in the size of the human penis. It is fascinating."

Leonard snorted. "No one has complained, so far, about the size of my penis." The doctor stared at Jim, seeking confirmation.

Jim blushed and stammered. "That's right, Bones, nobody." Jim remembered the nights he had spent with his friend, at the academy, when they were both drunk and playing with their dicks and fingers.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Vulcans have always had a reputation for being well-endowed. It is an asset to our race." The first officer placed his hands behind his back. His lips pursed, proudly.

"Jim, I'm happy being part of this measurement party, but I'd appreciate it if you would inject me the hypospray, or I think I'm going to pass out." The doctor's face was livid. If I start to scratch, I'm going to make the situation worse. "

The captain injected him as carefully as he could. Leonard began to relax and breathe slower. His muscles released the tension, and his legs no longer supported him. He sat down on the ground on the grass.

"Doctor McCoy, I don't think you should dress or put your underwear on. You're going to irritate the area." Spock kept looking at his friend's crotch with interest.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "Right now, Spock, I look like I have a hornet's nest between my legs. I'd rather be naked."

Jim put an arm on his friend's shoulder. He patted him comfortingly and hid his smile again. "You'll be in the Sickbay soon and they'll be able to treat you."

The doctor was starting to feel a little better. "Spock, I too have a scientific interest in confirming your claim about the size of your member." He commented playfully.

Spock blinked . "You've seen me naked many times at medical checkups, doctor. I have no problem proving my claim. But I think it's redundant."

"Gentlemen, we started looking like teenagers in high school, trying to show who has it bigger." Jim added.

Leonard groaned and shifted on the floor. His penis was swollen and he started to feel the need to touch himself. "I'm not going to masturbating here, but I would like it. God, I'm horny!" He thought.

"Bones, you have the hots for us . I know you." Finally, Jim had started laughing . And then another laugh came, and Jim not stopping his attack of laughter.

"Captain, I see that the doctor's dick is large. The inflammation is beginning to disappear and the size continues to be the same. Is it also a pride among humans, to have a good caliber penis?."Spock asked.

"There are different opinions. The important thing is to know what to do with the penis, Spock. To know how to satisfy your partner."

“And is it common for a human male's penis to respond like that when another male's eyes are focused on it?” The Vulcan's question seemed totally innocent. His face showed no emotion.

Leonard shook his head. "You are a vain Vulcan, Spock. You are suggesting the idea that your gazes have sexually aroused me." Yes, I am horny."He thought.But I wouldn't recognize it in the worst of times torture.

"My assumption is not that. I think it has been both Jim's looks and mine that have put you in such a compromising situation. Your physiological reaction is completely normal, among healthy adults. Sexual fantasies are the reflection of the mind . "

Leonard pursed his lips. “Are you calling me a sexual pervert? Are you assuming that it turns me on that my two friends and companions see me naked and with a wounded dick?” The doctor moved a little and inadvertently struck his penis. He groaned and sighed. "I think ..." he muttered.

"Can we help you in any way, Leonard? In my opinion, helping you masturbate will make your body expel the poison from the stinging plant."

Few things could surprise Leonard McCoy anymore. He listened to the Vulcan and his eyes widened so much that it seemed they were going to escape their orbits.

"You are very kind, Spock. I will consider your sacrifice for my well-being."

"It's impossible to get bored with you." Jim laughed again.

"Jim Kirk, I remind you that I have also seen you naked many times in medical check-ups, and I know your measurements perfectly. Maybe you don't have much to be proud of." Jim's laughter was bothering him.

Jim walked over to his friend and gave him a funny blow to the head. "No one has complained about my measurements either, traitorous friend. You have to be more careful, especially if you are sitting on the grass, with your dick sore and your balls in worse shape. You're at my mercy! ”The captain tried to touch Bones's member, as Leonard pushed him away with a friendly shove.

"I'm going to take revenge for your jokes…..I swear to you that when we return to the starship, I will force you to have a urological and prostate examination," Leonard McCoy exclaimed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three friends look like teenagers!!!

Leonard McCoy headed straight for the Sickbay. Jim joked about the idea of asking for a stretcher so that he could get there more easily. The doctor looked at his friend and growled at him. "I promise you, I'm perfectly capable of walking." A kind member of the crew had given him a towel, so he wouldn't wander the ship without underwear or pants. Spock had wished him a speedy recovery. Leonard growled again about how nosy the Vulcans were and didn't bother to thank him.

Christine Chapel was already waiting for him in the Sickbay, waving for him to sit on the bio-bed and welcoming him with a wide mischievous smile.

"Leonard, I heard you had a problem on this mission."

"Yes, I had a problem with a couple of idiots. They are crewmates: Their names are Jim Kirk and Spock." McCoy replied. "They were bored and we started a competition to see who had the biggest penis."

Christine blushed "Please Leonard, you are a bunch of little boys." She looked into his eyes and watched the doctor smile at her. "Well, that was funny. Spock kept looking at me and asking questions about my dick. "Oh, excuse me, I'm using foul language." Chapel gave him an unexpected tap, while he was treating him.

The doctor winced. "Careful, Christine, this is delicate matter."

Jim had a bit of a bad conscience. He knew how well Bones had cared for all of them over the years. For once the doctor had been injured on a mission, it had been a festival of jokes, one after another. He hadn't been considerate.

He decided to go to the Sickbay and see what the evolution of McCoy's picturesque wound was like.

He entered cheerfully. He patted his friend on the shoulder. "Bones, how are you?"

"Good, hoping my dick doesn't drop, Jim." He frowned and made a serious face.

"What do you say?" Jim's expression was somewhere between scared and amused.

"Ignore him, Captain. He is going to recover perfectly. I am simply going to ask him to rest for a day and tomorrow we will evaluate his return to work" Christine replied.

"No way! I'm going to go back to my duties immediately." Leonard got up from the bio-bed, jumping up and falling the towel that covered him.

Just then, Spock was walking through the door. He stood and raised an eyebrow. He cleared his throat and put his hands behind his back. "Doctor, lately you have a great fondness for showing off your private parts."

McCoy opened his mouth and covered his crotch with his hands. "Spock, and you've been looking at my cock a lot lately. This is starting to get really embarrassing."

"Doctor, I have already been able to study your penis thoroughly and I have no further interest in observing it. I was just coming to ask about its state of health." Spock's voice sounded professional and calm.

Now it was the doctor who blushed. His cheeks were as red as a ripe tomato. “You always have to be right, vulcan of the devil!” He growled. He sat down on the bio-bed and put a hand to his forehead.

Christine and Jim looked at each other and laughed.

"It is evident, Leonard, that for a man, his penis is very important. So I beg you to rest today and avoid future problems." Chapel told him.

"It's true, Christine. It's important. Even Jim Kirk has given his dick a nickname. He holds it in high regard." The doctor commented.

Spock did not change his gesture. But he thought about how irrational humans were, capable of naming his penis. A very slight smile formed on his face. His voice sounded just as neutral. Although he was secretly interested."Will you tell us what is that nickname , Dr. McCoy? "

"Bones, don't even think about telling it. I'm your captain and I order you to!" Jim was flustered and began to fidget.

"Well, Jim, we're with trustworthy people. You shouldn't be ashamed of your crazy ideas in the stellar academy. Like that time you had put your penis in a glass of whiskey and… .." McCoy replied. He pursed his lips to avoid laughing .

“Fascinating!” Spock replied.

Jim walked up to his friend and slapped him on the neck. Bones tried to dodge him, doubled over and groaned in pain.

"Damn it, Jim, this still stings!" A painful gaze crossed the doctor's face.

"Do you want me to scratch you, Dr. McCoy?" Spock replied. Really, the Vulcan was trying to help. But no one understood.

Christine Chapel started laughing again. Tears ran down her cheeks. "I can't take it anymore."

"Jim calls his dick Fat man." The doctor added unexpectedly. "He's a bit presumptuous, this boy from Iowa." McCoy's little revenge, at his friend's laugh, was on.

Jim looked at Leonard with a mixture of toughness and amusement. “And this country doctor says he's my best friend.” He tried again to slap friendly the doctor´s face. This time, McCoy didn't dodge.

"Captain, is this part of Earthly customs? Will I have to name my penis, too? Spock was still puzzled, but wanted to blend in with his friends.

"I have a suggestion, Spock. You can call it my dear green dick." The doctor replied.

"I'll give that suggestion all the importance it deserves," Spock exclaimed. But his facial expression indicated that he cared very little about the doctor's idea.

"Well, gentlemen, we've had enough fun now." Christine answered them. "I suggest you leave us alone, to finish Leonard's cure. And an idea that I throw on the air: Why don't the three of you go together ? Can you dedicate to having fun? ”.

Chapel smiled and pointed at the door. "You need some holidays," he concluded. "You are behaving like teenagers with acne. Are you sure you have not smelled some kind of pollen or juvenile pheromone on the surface of the planet?."

The three men looked at each other. The truth is that they all had a special sparkle in their eyes, young and fresh.

"We can drink and dance! Surfing on a desert beach and try to flirt!" Jim replied.

“I hope you guys are careful what you do.” Chapel's tone was very motherly.

"Christine, you're a pain in the ass." Leonard replied. Jim chuckled, and Spock frowned.

At that moment, Christine Chapel realized that the only mature person in the room was her.

"Vulcans do not have fun or take vacations," Spock replied. This was all very illogical. He had to name his penis, rest and have fun. Learning to know his human part was going to cost him a lot of headaches. The only thing was really interesting to share a few days, alone, with his friends.

"Whatever, Spock, whatever you do on Vulcan," Christine replied.

**Author's Note:**

> I've written it for fun.  
> I apologize for my English level.


End file.
